THE LIE

"My name is Lilly and I am an American living in north London. I recently discovered my husband Tom has been having an affair. This blog is the story of my terrible marriage."
The post below is the first post written from Lilly over at MyTerribleMarriage.com. Lilly's story is engrossing, unpredictable, and heartbreaking. As soon as Lilly reached out to us, we began to read her story and couldn't stop until we had read every. single. post. 
The FBRT team is humbled to be able to share Lilly's story. Here is a little blurb from Lilly about why she started the blog:
"Friends and family encouraged me to write My Terrible Marriage and if it helps anyone going through something similar, that is wonderful.  If people read it and want to follow what happens to Lilly because they feel like she is a friend and they are rooting for her, that is great too.  Whatever anyone's reason for coming back to read the latest installments of the story, I'm happy to share it and it's really helping me to write it." 
Below is the first post written by Lilly. Visit MyTerribleMarriage.com and read posts from oldest to newest to follow her story. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               
THE LIE
Three days ago I found out my husband Tom, has been having an affair, for maybe as long as two years, with our au pair.  Not a fling, two years in a relationship, unbeknownst to me.  During the two years, I’ve had two children and been living blissfully unaware, thinking that life was good.  Is good.  Busy and stressful – but pretty damn good.
So how did I find out?  Well, I felt something was wrong for awhile. The au pair moved out of our home a long time ago.  I fired her after only five weeks because I could see something was not right with the way she behaved around my husband and the way he behaved around her.
But I never thought he would do this!  He was married before me for ten years and his wife had an affair.  When we were dating he spoke about how painful her affair was.  How devastated he was.  How much hurt it caused.  I just thought, I guess naively, that if someone has been hurt because of an affair, they would never do it to someone else.
How wrong I am.
So I found out because Tom has been very unhappy and grumpy for weeks.  I’ve tried to talk about it.  He has refused to speak about what is wrong only saying ‘things will be okay’ and then looking away from me.  He said recently ‘don’t give up on me, things will be okay.’
My thoughts of course were something was wrong and my husband was hiding it.  Financial ruin?  Serious health problem?  Another woman?  Surely not another woman.  But I wanted to find out what was wrong, so wrong he said ‘don’t give up on me.’ and ‘things will be okay.’  What things?  Our life together?
So I looked on Tom’s laptop when he was out and it was locked.  I put in the password, always our daughters name and it was incorrect.  Did I type it wrong?  I tried a few more times, again password incorrect and in that moment I knew he was hiding something.  We’ve never used other passwords or changed them before. He is hiding something from ME.  His wife.  He is hiding something on his laptop.
A few days went by and I was waiting, waiting for the opportunity when the laptop was on and logged in and Tom stepped away.  On Monday morning he was working at home and said he was going to pop over to the high street to go to the bank.  As soon as I heard the front door close, I nipped over to the desk and looked on the open laptop and clicked straight into his email.
The email opened and there was Tom’s inbox and the first thing I saw on the list of messages made my heart skip a beat.  Her name. There was her name!  So our former au pair had sent him an email message. And that was enough to make my blood boil.  It shouldn’t have, but it did.  Because two years earlier when I fired her, my husband promised me, ABSOLUTLY promised me, he would not have any contact with her ever again.
Tom knew I suspected something was going on and I was unhappy enough to fire our au pair which I had never done before.  We had employed au pairs in the past and they were always lovely and always a nice part of our family, helping in our home because we have three children very close in age.  But this au pair, Caterina, she wasn’t lovely.  She was the only person I’d ever had to ask to leave.
Her name was there, clear as day in his inbox.  I clicked on the message.  ‘Tom, shall we chat tomorrow or Wednesday? Ciao, Caterina xx’
OMG, they have talked.  She lives in Italy.  How do they talk?  How long have they been talking?  My heart was racing and my hands were shaking.  Maybe it’s friendship, maybe it’s more, but Tom is definately lying to me.  Lying to the person he says he loves and who he is married to.  Devastation.
She has put xx’s.  Does that mean real kissing, or people do that all the time, so it is probably just friendly. Or something more?  I didn’t know what it meant, but I had to find out.
I closed the email and went to the sitting room.  Sat down feeling queasy.  Shaking I knew that I had to speak to Tom about this right now and waited to hear the front door open.  It did.  It was just a normal Monday morning but not at all normal for me because I suddenly knew my husband had lied.
Tom didn’t see me in the kitchen and called out ‘hey Lil, where are you?’
‘In here’ was my reply.  In here dying inside I thought.
He came in smiling.
‘Tom, will you sit and chat with me for a minute, I’ve got to ask you something important,’ I said with a serious voice.
‘Sure’ he answered casually, starting to tell me about a friend he ran into on the high street but I wasn’t listening.  My mind was racing.  I suddenly spoke, trying to remain calm.
‘Tom, if I asked you something important, something really massively important to me, no matter WHAT, you would tell me the truth, right?’  I went on with no plan in my mind, ‘I mean, you would tell me the truth, even if telling me the truth meant something bad, even if it was really bad.’
‘What? What are you talking about Lilly?’
‘Tom, no matter what, you must tell me the truth, and I have a question for you, and here it is.  Have you been in touch at all with Caterina since I fired her, in any way, shape or form?  Have you seen her?  Emailed her?  Wrote to her?  Spoke to her?  Anything at all, since she moved out two years ago?’
‘What?!? Oh God, not this again about Caterina! WHY are you asking me this Lilly?  Why?  What’s going on?’ he said annoyed.
‘Well, why do you THINK I’m asking?  Seriously Tom, why do you think I am asking you this question on a Monday morning, no different from any other Monday in our lives?’
‘I don’t know why, because you just had a baby and are going insane?  Because when it comes to our aupair Caterina, you were crazy with jealously about NOTHING and fired a really lovely person who was a big help to us.  And who you treated really unfairly.  I don’t know why.  You tell me why you are asking this!’
‘Well Tom, listen very CAREFULLY to me right now, because I am NOT going to be giving you a lot of chances.  I want you to tell me the truth and the point is not why I’m asking you this, it’s your answer. I am asking you this question because I want to know the answer, right now. You promised me two years ago you wouldn’t have any contact with her, so I now want you to tell me, have you been in touch with Caterina?  Have you had any contact with her these last two years?’
He stood up and walked over to look out the window and when he turned around I could see panic in his eyes. Has he figured out I know the answer already, I wondered.
‘Well you are a NIGHTMARE Lilly, you really are!  I have a lot of work to do.  I don’t need this!’
Tom took a step towards the door, he was going to leave but I wasn’t going to let him.  I went over and stood in front of him, looking him straight in the eye.
‘Tom, what’s your answer?  I want your answer.  You are not going to work until you tell me.  Have you seen or spoken to Caterina?’
It seemed a long time until he answered, he was silent, definately for 30 seconds at least. He was staring at me, saying nothing for what felt a long time.  He opened his mouth and answered.
‘No, of course not!  Of course I haven’t. I have NOT spoken to her, or seen her, or had any contact with her.’
It is a terrible moment when you realise, your husband is a liar.
For the rest of the story, visit MyTerribleMarriage.com
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